I hate Charlie. And his horse.

Ever wake up in the middle of the night with a charlie horse? You know, that excruciating type of cramp in your calf? This has happened to me from time to time. Usually it can be massaged away, or simply stood on to stretch the muscle out.

This is all well and good. Then one gets married. And a simple leg cramp becomes embarrassing and traumatic for two.

I woke up at six this morning with the most painful leg cramp that I can recall. As soon as I awoke, I began hollering, "Ouch! Ouch Ouch!" I threw back the covers and jumped to my feet. Unfortunately, the muscle was a bit tenser than I realized, and rather than my foot bending, it simply locked and gave way under my weight. I fell to the floor and landed on my tailbone which only made me holler all the louder.

Then my poor husband woke up. He sat up, looking panicked, and discovered me sitting on the floor wailing in pain and still trying to stand on my bum leg. He pulled me back up into the bed and began to comfort me from whatever awful thing had just happened. Imagine my shame when all I could utter was..."uh...I had a...leg cramp."

Sheesh.