Not all who wander are aimless.

Sometimes...

2010-10-08T19:12:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I hear a poem, quote or song that reminds how lucky I am to be married. My husband Taylor was and is the best thing that ever happened to me.

Thanks to the band Travis for reminding me of that.

P.S. This video is sub-par, but the song is just lovely

All the single...little girls?

2010-06-10T20:21:00.000-07:00

I've been meaning to blog on this issue for a while. I've been meaning to say what I really think. I've put it off for various reasons. The biggest reason being that I wasn't really sure what I was trying to communicate. Then, two days ago, all my thoughts became clear when I saw this video.

Vezi mai multe video din Sport

Oh. My. Word. The first time I watched this I sat in stunned silence. Every time I have watched it since, I have cried. This two minute video has a doctoral thesis worth of intellectual fodder. I'll try to keep it a bit shorter than that.

It's easy to watch this video and be shocked. It's easy to ask the obvious questions about these girls. (The most obvious being, "Where are their parents!?") I think there is, however, a bigger societal issue that needs to be examined. This video of these eight year old girls is just an example of much larger problem; that is, the sexualization of girls and the infantilization of women.

The signs of this problem are everywhere. Little girls dressed like strippers. "Boyfriend jeans" that you can buy for your toddler. High heeled shoes for infants. The converse problem of infantilization is also evident. We see women models posed in magazines holding teddy bears. There are sexy little bo-peep costumes on sale at Halloween. There is the rise of the vapid, female celebrities, like Paris Hilton. We are dressing girls in the trappings of womanhood, and demanding woman maintain the personality of child. What's the deal here?

What the deal is, I think, is an effort to keep women from accessing and embracing full personhood. I'm not talking about woman being better than men, or some ridiculous idea of a superior sex; we are all fallen. What I am talking about personhood. The right to reach one's full potential as person: emotionally, physically, intellectually, and spiritual.

Society is telling girls from the moment they are born that what really matters is their sexuality. It is important to dress sexy. To act sexy. To be sexy. This idea than carries into womanhood. What is defined as sexy is inherently childlike. Super models with pre-pubescent bodies. Hairless leg and armpits. Passive. Uninformed about sexuality. Dependent.

And it is this push to make "childlike dependency" synonymous with "sexiness" that frightens me the most. There is nothing healthy about life long dependency. There is nothing sexy about stunting one's potential in the name of sexuality.

What this shocking video boils down to for me is this. If someday, I have daughters, I want them to know that being a well-rounded person who loves God and people is what matters. I don't want them to make the mistakes I did. Don't obsess about your weight. Don't pretend to be ignorant on subject just so a boy can teach you something that you already knew. Don't be weak to get attention.

When they are young, I will tell them play outside, to get messy, to wear their hair in braids, and to be friends with boys and girls. And when they are woman, I will tell them to be strong, to study their passion, to be more concerned with the people around them than their waist size, and to be friends with both men and women. I will tell them that independence, intelligence, grace, and confidence is what being a person; a woman is all about.

Eclipsed

2010-04-08T20:14:00.000-07:00

I will be the first to admit that I don't blog about my faith much. I can't really say why that is. In past blogs, it was a frequent topic. Many of my friend's blogs are loaded with what God is teaching them. For some people the words just seem to spill out, but in past few years my spill has slowed to trickle.

And, again, I can't say why that is. I suspect it has something to do with the feeling of absolute certainty I had about my faith when I entered college. Of course the words could spill out; I knew the right words. It was a feeling that all but faded midway through second year of school. For the past four years, I've been in a strange season ( strange for me anyway), of my faith feeling so deeply personal and private that any outward expression of it felt trite and fake.

It has been a deeply painful season.

But one that I think has been so necessary. I have been forced to reexamine what genuine expressions of faith are. I, who was never at a loss for words, was forced to be quiet. Oh, it hurt. Oh, it was so good.

Tonight, home alone, I was saw a link that friend posted to a David Crowder You-Tube video "How he loves us" . At least 25% of worship songs make me gag. (Really? History Maker? Have we realized that the song is all about me, me, me.) However, I usually enjoy David Crowder's way of creating imagery, so I watched.

Somewhere through my third listen, I felt my throat tighten. I felt my eyes well. It has been years. "When all of a sudden, I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory."

Here it is, my blog about my faith: I am wayward Israel. I am the woman caught in adultery. I building the golden calf. I have innocent blood on my hands. I am Peter, too scared to get out of the boat. I am holding back the best of my sacrifice. I am scorning the word of the prophet.

I am longing beyond words for my humanity to be swallowed whole. I am waiting for the day when I will be eclipsed by glory.

Why changing the duvet cover is everyone's least favorite chore.

2010-04-05T19:29:00.000-07:00

This is why I lie awake at night worrying about the future of women.

2010-03-01T19:48:00.000-08:00

A wall stencil available on Etsy.com.

Redemption

2010-02-27T17:07:00.000-08:00

I am coming to believe that there is no greater metaphor for redemption than the arrival of spring. I can feel spring slowly coming to southern Manitoba. The air is losing its sharp edge. I can hear birds chirping when I start my car in the morning. Soon the snow and ice will melt away, and the little sprigs of grass will, with great effort, push through the hard soil. I can feel life returning.

After roughly five months of winter, I am longing for the warmth and the sense of renewal that I know is coming. Creation is about to be re-birthed and today I find myself crawling out of my skin in anticipation. "For we know that the whole creation has been groaning together in the pains of childbirth until now" (Romans 8:22). I love that. The earth is groaning, travailing, and longing for spring; for redemption.

I find that there no better way for me to picture humanity's longing for redemption by God than the way in which these prisoners of winter await spring. Don't I want a second chance? Don't I want rebirth from the darkness of myself? Don't I desire to break through my hard, earthy soil and lift myself toward the divine, the sacred? Don't we all want that?

Whatever your view of eschatology might be, I believe that, in some way, God will redeem his people and his earth. How can a creator not want to restore his creation? How can the plants, rocks, trees, and grass not want the warmth of spring to fall on them again?

I have heard it said that the creation reflects the creator. If that's true, then our Spring is coming. Our seemingly eternal winter will end. This story ends in redemption. With soil cracking wide open, green shoots bursting forth, sunlight beating down, rainfall soaking the earth, and the sacred swallowing up the profane.

I hate Charlie. And his horse.

2009-12-19T21:08:00.000-08:00

Ever wake up in the middle of the night with a charlie horse? You know, that excruciating type of cramp in your calf? This has happened to me from time to time. Usually it can be massaged away, or simply stood on to stretch the muscle out.

This is all well and good. Then one gets married. And a simple leg cramp becomes embarrassing and traumatic for two.

I woke up at six this morning with the most painful leg cramp that I can recall. As soon as I awoke, I began hollering, "Ouch! Ouch Ouch!" I threw back the covers and jumped to my feet. Unfortunately, the muscle was a bit tenser than I realized, and rather than my foot bending, it simply locked and gave way under my weight. I fell to the floor and landed on my tailbone which only made me holler all the louder.

Then my poor husband woke up. He sat up, looking panicked, and discovered me sitting on the floor wailing in pain and still trying to stand on my bum leg. He pulled me back up into the bed and began to comfort me from whatever awful thing had just happened. Imagine my shame when all I could utter was..."uh...I had a...leg cramp."

Sheesh.

2009-11-27T19:22:00.000-08:00

"Civilization is a stream with banks. The stream is sometimes filled with blood from people killing, stealing, shouting and doing the things historians usually record; while on the banks, unnoticed, people build homes, make love, raise children, sing songs, write poetry and even whittle statues. The story of civilization is the story of what happened on the banks." - Will Durant, Historian

So true.

Shopping Local

2009-11-21T13:55:00.000-08:00

The concept of buying local, ethical food has been on my mind for quite some time. It really important to Taylor and I that we can put things into our bodies that we feel good about, and that we put our money toward worthwhile things. Since we got married, we have done the vast majority of our grocery shopping at Superstore. (For my American friends, think massive, chain grocery store.) It's as nameless and faceless as they come. Giant aisles crammed with food that has been imported from half way across the world. Loaded with corn syrup. Available in bulk. We didn't feel great about it, but it met our needs and our budget. Not to mention, that it's sort of overwhelming trying to make a change like this. But I've discovered that if I keep my eyes open for local food chances, the more often I find them.

For example, at the college where I work, I noticed a sign in the staff and faculty lounge, that one of my co-workers was selling brown, free-range chicken eggs for $3 a dozen. Quite the deal. I e-mailed them immediately about it, and the next afternoon, he delivered a dozen beautiful brown eggs to my office. No more factory chicken eggs for us. No sir.

Furthermore, as the old saying goes, there is strength in numbers. Our dear friends, Jeff and Andrea, (Check out Andrea's thoughts on food here.) feel the same way as we do about wanting to buy local, whole foods. There's something about knowing that another couple, who is in the same life stage as us and lives on basically the same salary as us, gave us hope that maybe this endevour was worthwhile. So this morning, we made a journey to the nearest decent sized community, Steinbach, Manitoba, and explored all the local food places we could find.

The first stop of the day was the Main Bread and Butter Company. It's a fantastic store that sells nearly all local products. The store started about 10 years ago by two brothers who were discouraged by the difficulty of finding local foods in the area. Many of the mom and pop stores has been transformed into big chains. So, they created Main Bread and Butter Company. We had lunch there as well. They have this amazing eatery that makes the world's best sandwiches, in my opinion. Then we did some perusing. They sell everything from local cheese, pasta, meats, and baked goods. I myself picked up a jar of Cinnamon Honey Butter. It's made in a little community about 10 miles from Otterburne. I also picked up some cinnamon sticks that I needed for cider. We are going to try to do more of our shopping there.

Next we headed to Earl's Meat Market. This was the store that I was most apprehensive about. Because of our budget, we don't eat a lot of meat. And even meat at Superstore is expensive, so I was expecting a bit of sticker shock, but I was so wonderfully surprised by the shop. All of the meat was comparable in price. There was nothing that I saw that shocked me in terms of pricing. What I was most shocked about was the difference in the look of fresh cut meat. The ground beef at Earl's was an entirely different color than the kind at superstore. What does that tell me? Yuck. I was so excited by this wonderful find (and friendly, personable staff) that I bought some stew meat and ham hock to make soup. I got both of those for under five dollars! I'm so definitely going back.

Next it was off to Stony Brook Pantry. Another wonderful little store. The sell a lot of local baking ingredients that you couldn't find at big chain store. Flax seeds. Stone ground flour. They also sell lots of cutsie little home decor things. Taylor picked up a bag of dark rye flour for his continuing bread baking adventures, and I purchased some yummy banana chips.

We topped it off with a swing by a local, fair trade coffee shop called Lecoka Speciality Coffee. This a wonderful cozy coffee shop that we have loved since it opened a few years ago. If you're every in Steinbach, make a trip there.

I know that we won't be able to cut out superstore entirely. One small change at time means a lot. And just the knowledge that we're trying is enough for me.

Things I like. Things I hate

2009-11-05T19:45:00.001-08:00

Things I like:

1. Being suddenly invited over to the home of some lovely friends for dinner. Conveniently, on a night that I didn't want to cook.

2. Getting a church planter's newsletter from some very dear friends.

3. Learning about the slow movement in Voluntary Simplicity. "Wherever you are, be all there."

4. When the database at work gave me the information I needed without my needing to call tech support. Score.

5. Warm mugs of hot chocolate in my chilly office.

Things I hate:

1. Alarm clocks, buzzing at me, demanding I flee from my warm covers.

2. The first scraping of the car windows of the season. Yuck.

3. Standing in the cold, listening to country music, while my husband takes pictures of a "big check" ceremony.

4. Discovering the bag of SERIOUSLY rotted potatoes in the storage closet. Dripping with rot. Smelling like death. And then cleaning the closet with vinegar until all the goo was gone.

I feel that one's list of "likes" should always be longer than one's list of "hates".

A Secret

2009-10-27T20:31:00.000-07:00

I sometimes listen to Top 40 music when my husband isn't home. Like now.

Granola Girl

2009-10-18T13:05:00.000-07:00

I'm on a bit of a natural, organic, homemade kick these days. I'm really hoping it's more of a change of lifestyle than a kick, but I'll have to see how I do.

I've grown increasingly grossed out by the stuff we put in our bodies and our homes in western society. The chemicals in our foods. The sprays and powders that we clean our kitchens with. The food that comes ready-made in a can. It's just gross. Now, I am not saying that it's all bad. The "wonders" of the modern age have done a lot of good things, especially in the advancement of medicine. But, I never really questioned it all, until recently. And I think that's the part that bothers me the most, the fact that the vast majority of people never think about what they're eating or breathing in.

I'm auditing a course this semester called "Consumer Culture and Voluntary Simplicity". It's made me think a lot about how capitalistic industry creates a product to meet a need that we never knew existed. Wrinkly elbows? There's a cream for that. Taps not shiny enough? Just rub this on. Nobody really needs those things, but when the option is available, I start to think, "Hey...I have wrinkly elbows! Oh no!" ...Ridiculous.

Further still, I've been reading a book called "In Defense of Food", by Michael Pollan. I'm only half-way through, but I can tell this book is really going to impact my lifestyle. He talks about the bizarre relationship that North Americans have to their diets. He argues that a large portion of what we eat is not real food. The bread we pick up at the supermarket would be unrecognizable to our great-grandmothers. We've stripped flour of it's nutritional value. We eat more dairy and meat products than any other period in history. As a result, our food is making us sick, or at the very least not doing much for our well-being. To make a long story short, he advocates for the eating of whole foods that are free of chemicals. Carrots. Potatoes. Organic, grain fed meat. Bread that is made of flour, yeast and water. Basically, if you don't know what's in the food or it has any ingredients you can't pronounce: don't eat it.

I realize that such a radical change of diet is nearly impossible. Especially since I live in climate that is bitterly cold and kills of all plant life for about six months. However, I am trying to make some small changes to my lifestyle and diet. Today I cleaned our bathroom with vinegar spray; a safe, natural disinfectant. We going to start baking our own whole wheat bread. I pureed a pumpkin to bake with instead of buying canned. We're trying to eat less processed food. They're small things, I know, and they probably won't change the world.

But it does make me feel just a little bit better.

sigh Student Loans.

2009-09-12T18:20:00.000-07:00

This is the first autumn in 16 years (note: I'm merely 22 years of age) that I have not gone "back to school." No new pens. No first day. No glossy new textbooks. I'll admit, the thought chokes me up a bit. Although, I'm sure I'll feel better once my full-time-student-husband pulls his first all-nighter of the semester. I'm pretty vindictive sometimes.

One new thing I have garnered is the knowledge that all that money that the government lent me these past four years, they now want back. I know. Sick.

So, I phoned my loan officer, Ms. Cash, (not even joking) to explain that I'm rather low income and my husband is still in school, so can I please, please join the low-income payment plan. The conversation went something like this.

Me: Can I apply for the low-income program?

Her: Absolutely. I can fax you an application right away.

Me: Great, thanks.

Her: So, just so I can give you a heads up on whether or not you qualify, can you tell me what your gross monthly income is?

Me: Yup. It's about 1600 a month.

Her: *long pause* Um...you know, I won't even send you the application. You'll qualify.

I'm very grateful...and a bit insulted.

2009-08-06T18:19:00.000-07:00

Jesus Christ by Brand New

Jesus Christ, that's a pretty face

The kind you'd find on someone I could save

If they don't put me away

Well, it'll be a miracle

Do you believe you're missing out

That everything good is happening somewhere else?

But with nobody in your bed

The night's hard to get through

And I will die all alone

And when I arrive I won't know anyone

Well Jesus Christ, I'm alone again

So what did you do those three days you were dead?

Cause this problem's gonna last more than the weekend.

Well Jesus Christ, I'm not scared to die,

I'm a little bit scared of what comes after

Do I get the gold chariot?

Do I float through the ceiling?

Do I divide and fall apart?

Cause my pride is too sly to hold back all my dark

And the ship went down in sight of land

And at the gates does Thomas ask to see my hands

I know you'll come in the night like a thief

But I've had some time alone to hold my lies inside me

I know you think that I'm someone you can trust

But I'm scared I'll get scared and I swear I'll try to nail you back up

So do you think that we could work out a sign

So I'll know it's you and that it's over so I won't even try

I know you'll come for the people like me

But we all got wood and nails

Tongue tied to a hating factory

But we all got wood and nails

You're tortured (and hanging) factory

Yeah, we all got wood and nails

You're tortured (and hanging) factory

Yeah, we all got wood and nails

And we sleep inside of this machine

"Just think of the tragedy of teaching children not to doubt." -Clarence Darrwow

The Trials and Tribulations of Adulthood

2009-07-16T17:42:00.000-07:00

It's my birthday in a week. I'll be 22.

This week, I have managed to fry a keyboard, douse a rug, and soak our futon by spilling a tall glass of water I had just poured.

Last night as I was hanging my blanket over a chair to dry...

Emily: "Taylor, maybe I should get a cup with a lid."
Taylor: "...You mean a sippy cup?"
Emily: "...I prefer 'cup with lid'. "

We proceeded to laugh about it as Taylor continued to mock me, "Why don't they make cups like that for meee? In mature patterns! Excuse me sir, do you have this gunmetal gray?"

Woe is me.

Welcome to Flatsville, Manitoba.

2009-07-12T15:26:00.000-07:00

Population: One.

Photo Credit: Taylor J. Summach

Latest Shenanigans

2009-07-10T20:11:00.000-07:00

I've abandoned my blog for a while I've realized. But no more! Lauren has been blogging like crazy, so I am inspired to be more intentional with this little project. Heaven knows my life isn't THAT busy living in rural Manitoba. So, an update on my latest adventures...

1. I fried our keyboard. Yesterday morning, in my sleepy state before heading out the door to the office, I knocked an entire glass of water on the keyboard. I frantically dried it off, and it seemed to be alright, but by day's end it was dead. *sigh* Taylor bought a new one today. It's the strangest keyboard ever. It's rubber and rolls out like a mat. And ironically, or intentionally, the keyboard is waterproof.

2. It's the weekend! It was one of those weeks that, looking back, if you were to ask me what happened, I would not be able to tell you. I do know I didn't get enough sleep. I consumed a lot of chicken wings. And my husband is awesome.

3. 4th of July! What a stellar day. Taylor celebrated his first 4th south of the border. There was picnicking, and firework watching with our beloved Kelley family. We also say my family for the first time since the wedding. I intend to post pictures from that evening soon.

4. I love baking and cooking. I've found that it is fantastic way to de-stress. So, in honor of a long week...Chocolate cupcakes with peanut butter frosting and dark chocolate shavings!

(I love that apron. It was bridal shower gift from my friend Kari. She MADE it! So great. Also, picture #2 really accentuates my lack of sleep. Yikes.)

Books that Changed my Life...or at least the way I think.

2009-06-24T17:26:00.000-07:00

I'll admit it. I love reading. I love curling up on the futon with a novel. I love the smell of a brand new book. I can recall being told numerous times as a child, "Don't read at the table!" It's even one of the things that excited me most about living on campus for the summer - A library crammed with books, and I could read for fun! So in tribute to one of my favorite pastimes, I give you,

"Books that Changed my Life...or at least the way I think."

To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee

I first read this book in grade 11. I instantly feel in love with the writing style, the characters, and the little town of Maycombe, Alabama. I think what resonated with me the most was the realism of it. Those who are victims of injustice don't always receive their recompense. Innocence lost can never be regained.

A couple years ago, I was in the stage production of To Kill a Mockingbird. And all the feelings that I felt when I read the novel became all more real and acute on stage. I saw Tom Robinson on the stand. I contributed to the unraveling of Scout's world. I walked the streets of Maycombe. I watched Boo Radley make right some of what had been wrong.

It remains, to this day, my favorite novel.

Eyes Wide Open: Looking for God in Popular Culture by William Romanowski

Ohmygoodness. I love this book. It was a required reading for my Media and Society class in college. As with most required texts, I cracked the cover with some trepidation. I was fearing seven hours of dry textbook reading. But no! So much better. It is the best book I have ever read on Christianity and Media. He finds a great balance between "All media is 'worldly' and 'wrong'", and "Christians should even bother engaging with media." And he analyzes current media to prove his points.

If you have any interest in the relationship between faith and broader culture, read Eyes Wide Open.

18 Days

2009-06-10T17:58:00.000-07:00

Taylor and I have been married now for 18 days. Eighteen! I realize this isn't a milestone day. At least not more of a milestone than day 16 or 17 or even day 19 will be. Nonetheless, the past eighteen days have been more lovely than I could have ever hoped for. And blog-worthy.

I love being married. I realize full well that I have lucked out in the husband department. He's amazing. It's strange to think that we began our adventure together two and half years ago. In some ways I feel like I have known and loved Taylor for my whole life. It even seems as though some of the stresses in our relationship has disappeared since we got married. No more wedding worries. No more strange holding pattern of being almost married, but not.

I love coming through the apartment door and seeing him sitting at the desk. I love coming home for lunch and finding that he has made me a sandwich. I love saying goodnight to him and knowing I'm going to wake up to him. I even love how he steals my pillow when I get out of bed in the morning. Being married, at least for me, means having a soft place to land.

We agreed long before we got married that we wanted our marriage to be a partnership. We both consider ourselves to be "egalitarians." It's simply a fancy word to mean that we believe we're equals. Taylor doesn't have to "bring home the bacon", and I don't have to be waiting at the door in an apron with supper ready. Ironically, we seem to be living out exactly what we believe at this point. I work full-time and Taylor spends his days job hunting and taking care of things in the apartment. He's a "Househusband", as he calls it.

Married life is good. Very good. :)

New Adventures. New Blog.

2009-06-07T18:44:00.001-07:00

I have taken the plunge again. Bloggersville, here I am. I'll admit that starting a new blog has been on my mind for quite a while. I've toyed with the idea since I let my last blog die out nearly two years ago.

I started my first blog when I was 16 years old. I was in grade 11. Living in a little yellow bedroom on the east side of my parents' house. Consumed with crushes. Working a part time job. Wandering toward the future.

That was five years ago. I'm now 21 years old. A college graduate. Newly married. Living in a little one-bedroom apartment on the north side of a of yellow brick apartment building. Working a full time job. Wandering toward the future.

So, a new blog seemed in order.

I wish I had all sorts of exciting tales to write in this post, but it's a fairly quiet evening. My husband is playing a video game. I'm enjoying listening to the massive music collection that I inherited when I said "I do." (Literally, MASSIVE, I could listen to iTunes for 21.2 days straight and never hear a repeat song.) I baked a batch of chocolate chip cookies. Taylor and I took a Sunday afternoon nap together. It really is a wonderful life.

It's a strange time in my life. I graduated in April. Four year of blood, sweat, and tears to earn that little piece of paper. I was convinced that I would have no desire to read a book, write a paper, or prepare a presentation again. I find myself hungering for more learning again. I want to read. I want to have a topic to research. I'm thinking what course I might take with my "one free audit a semester" privileges.

I suppose you never stop wanting something more. It's really the epitome of the human condition. Of course, no one ever said that wanting something more was always a bad thing.